[ The was defensible, a known quantity. That was more comfortable than any amount of luxury could provide. But he doubted Tucker would care much for the explanation.
Instead, he stared levelly in his direction before nodding towards a nearby chair. ]
I imagine you have more to say than I do.
[ Something he brought him here, after all. Locus had been avoiding him on purpose to this point, per Washington's request. ]
[The dramatics of this setting was forgotten in lieu of the more important stuff, the reason why he was here. Giving up, he moved further inside and stopped next to the offered chair. There was a show made of looking it over as if it was some Looney Tunes bullshit that might explode when he sat in it; he didn't think it would happen, but it wasn't about that right now anyway. It was about showing that he was aware.
He dropped into it and stared at him.]
What the fuck makes you any more different now than before?
[ He'd had no doubt that Tucker would be on his guard around him. It was clear the aqua Sim Trooper still held a great deal of misgivings. For ample reason.
But Locus did not resent him for it. He understood the monster he'd been, and now had only to communicate that fact, as best he could.
There was a moment's pause, before Luna was carefully scooped up. She fit the entirety of his palm, blinking calmly as he extended her towards Tucker.
Care for a life not his own, and having that creature trust? Said more than words could. ]
And Tucker got it, in a way; the Locus he met back on Chorus wouldn't have done this, have this, wouldn't have cared for it or just held out a kitten that could fit in one fucking hand. There were layers here, an onion to pull back, and Tucker didn't do anything for a minute. He was waiting for something else, but it didn't come. Nothing did, just this kitten held out, one that trusted to the enemy. One that was owned by someone who an almost carried out a planetary genocide.
Tucker's shoulders finally fell as he reached out and took her gently, two hands instead of just one. His eyes were on Locus for a good solid few seconds, before pulling Luna to his chest and petting her softly.
He was quiet before he said anything.]
This doesn't fix anything. [His fingers went to scratch behind her ears, careful with the armor still.] How much of it was you and how much of that shit is because of Felix?
I take responsibility for my part in what happened. Enough of it was my fault to matter.
[ His hand lowers as Luna rubs her head under Tucker's chin, purring softly. ]
Nothing will ever make up for it entirely. But I can try. Washington impressed upon me the importance of legacy, and what that is is not determined until your death. There is time yet to change a great deal.
[Dammit, it's hard to be mad when a guy hands you a kitten and it's cuddly. Sneaky bastard.]
Yeah, at least you can do that.
[That was good. That was important. Blaming everything on Felix would be easy; even Tucker couldn't really do that, not even if the people around him told him to. And hey, for Tucker's credit, at least he was listening, nodding a little because he knew that Wash had that way of getting through to people, didn't he?]
Yeah, he knows all about that. [For himself. For what he helped turn Tucker into.] Just so you know, I'm not forgiving you. [Yet. Ever.] The shit you did, the shit that happened because of you guys... I get it, legacy, but there's stuff I can't ignore.
[ Broken. They'd made him say it out loud, acknowledge it, but that's still too tender a wound to bare, least of all in front of Tucker. Locus merely shakes his head before something around his eyes sharpens. ]
But sometimes, there are people who do deserve monsters on their doorstep. If it spares someone going down the path I did...
[ There's a pause, a quirk of his head. ]
What are you referring to, specifically? It was all something of a blur. I don't remember who was at my side.
[Well, that was good, at least. Self-aware blah blah psycho babble something. It made things easier.
The flat of his hand slid along the cat's back as he sighed. Locus wasn't wrong, and that annoyed him and satisfied him at the same time. It sucked when your enemy(?) was correct.]
I guess. The last thing we need is someone else wanting to do some planetary genocide shit. Well, any more than we already do.
[He coughed under his breath and just...avoided that. It wasn't like Tucker was subtle about that either; it wasn't his finer point, after all.]
[ Her eyes open briefly at her name, her tiny mouth opening in a squeak too soft to hear, before those eyes close again and she continues to rumble under Tucker's petting. It is satisfactory. He may continue. ]
[Glad he got her permission. She was cute, too cute, and it wasn't fair that a man like Locus owned such a cute thing. The petting resumed, relaxed, slow.
Wash got the kitten for him. Wash trusted him. Fucking trusted him something deep. That should matter. That should.]
Fine. I get it. They trust you and I should, too, but it's going to take more than an adorable fucking piece of pussy to do it, okay?
[The bite wasn't there. He knew it. He felt it.] But I also see it, too: Felix fucked us both over. I won't forget that, either.
Don't misunderstand. I don't expect anything from you. I will not ask anything from you, save that you allow me to continue to do my work here.
[ Locus allows Luna to stay where she is, as she seems comfortable enough with the Sim Trooper, but he allows himself to sink down to sit on the edge of a nearby bench. Perhaps there is more explanation in order. ]
When Felix and I chose to partner together, I had nothing else. I had lost those I fought alongside, those I respected, and I felt...lost. Felix offered answers.
[ His gaze lifts. ]
I suspect you know first-hand how persuasive he can seem, under those circumstances.
As long as you don't hurt anyone, then I don't need to get involved.
[There it was, black and white: stay doing what you're doing, and Tucker kept out of it. Perfect arrangement, as far as he was concerned. Don't give him a reason. Please don't give him a reason.
Tucker met that gaze, held it, then finally looked away. That anger at himself, at Felix, curled in his belly, tight like an angry fist. Felix waited for those moments specifically, when people were at their lowest, when they were missing...something. It was different for each other, but at the fundamental base, it was just missing something.]
We are here to hurt people, when necessary. However, I will only do so within the parameters of the Legion's protocol. You have my word.
[ And whatever else he might be, a liar he is not. That had always been Felix's MO. His position on the Fed's side? Had always been more a position of omission, things he hadn't said. And a different case entirely.
His folded fingers squeeze a little tighter, tapping briefly against the knuckles before going still once again. ]
Being part of Legion means remaining fit to be part of the Legion. Dr. Ry'kerr has been monitoring my...progress. If I show signs of returning to the state I was in, I will doubtlessly be removed from duty.
Dude, I meant the good guys. Innocents. Not assholes who have it coming.
[Ugh, don't make him have to spell it out for you. He sighed a little, holding the kitten up to look her in the eyes before handing her back to Locus. Guy was opening up; he needed her more than he did.]
Yeah, you sound super enthused about friends there, Locus. [He sagged in the seat.] I'm not going to get in the way of your friendships, you know. Whatever you got set up before I got here and if it's helping you, I don't want to fuck that up. I should, but I don't want to.
[ Luna is taken back with a careful hand, and as soon as she's back in his arms? She rolls and stretches languidly before draping herself along the length of his arm, to continue snoozing gracefully. Locus gives her ear a tender stroke. ]
I may not sound enthused, but I am grateful. It was not something I expected. Particularly not in Washington's case, given our history.
Then again, perhaps I should have. He knows better than most what a second chance is worth.
You're being pretty heavy-handed with that, you know.
[The sentiment, not the kitten, but Tucker groaned all the same. He got it; who knew what Wash would have turned into if they Reds and Blues hadn't given him another chance. This was what they did, from Wash to Doc and the people in between. It was stupid, it was reckless, but it's what saved some of them.]
I just...need some time. I lost something important because of the shit you did, and I can't--
I just can't yet. Not...not yet. But-- [He squared his shoulders.] --it's not all your fault, either. And I know that, too.
[ At that, he studies him for a moment, brow furrowing slightly. Who did they lose? They appeared to have the same numbers in the media coverage that followed the liberation of Chorus. Washington and Carolina. The Reds, the Blues...
Ah. Realization flickers across his face briefly. ]
Epsilon.
[ The last remaining AI from Project Freelancer. There'd been no further record of him, no appearance. It was, to his mind, a reasonable guess. ]
[He corrected him, had to even if he knew they were ultimately different people; Alpha was who he spent Blood Gulch with, Epsilon didn't remember any of that. Epsilon actually said goodbye to him, even if both of their deaths were sacrifices in the end.
Church was a blanket, both of them and neither of them at the same time.
Ugh, but Locus figured it out and he still hadn't told--]
Don't say anything to Wash, okay? Time travel bullshit and all that.
[ He has no reason to hide it from Wash, save that Tucker has asked him to. But he's trying to earn something like goodwill here, isn't he? Proving that he's not the same person anymore.
So he gives a short nod. Yes. Alright. He'll keep it to himself. ]
I am sorry for your loss. And my part in it. For what that may be worth.
[He probably shouldn't have said anything when he was the one that pretty much killed his partner, but Felix was an asshole. Well, a different kind of asshole than Epsilon was. He was a fucking monster.
Church didn't deserve this. Church didn't deserve any of the shit that happened to him again and again and again.]
He died to fucking protect us because of Charon. Because of all that shit that lead up to that room, including you guys. We didn't want it, no one wanted it, and people died! Now I have to live with--
[the silence after the suit when everything was quiet and empty and dead]
I know it doesn't. But it is a truth. I felt you should know, regardless.
[ But he understands not wanting to talk about the dead. He certainly doesn't like talking about Felix, even during his sessions with the doctor. He might recommend Tucker speak to her, but honestly, the poor woman doesn't need another soldier from their world on her schedule. ]
We don't need to speak of what happened. If you find the need, however, I will be here. I owe you whatever assistance I can offer, given the circumstances.
[God, the formality of it all; he wasn't used to this shit. He didn't like this shit; it made him uncomfortable. Gloves tapped at the chair as he looked at anything around the place other than Locus.
What the hell was he supposed to do with that offer? What the hel--]
...Spar with me.
[And he turned his face back to him, glaring at him through the helmet.] Not now, but soon. You want to help? That's how you can do it.
[Because he wanted to kick the ass of the person who indirectly killed his best friend. And if he couldn't kick his ass, then he wanted to learn how to. He wanted to make sure that he could beat his demons so shit like this never happened again, so he could protect his friends that were here. And he would keep trying until it happened.
[ He didn't use it, but against Tucker? Against one of its own? It seemed more fitting.
Locus gave a nod, something almost approving in the gesture. Tucker's reasoning, though unexplained out loud, seems to line up with his own. It would be a good way to work out his aggression, and give him an opportunity to strike back at him without repercussion. ANd if he learned something in the process? It would only strengthen the team as a whole. ]
Should I refrain from telling Washington of this, as well?
Yeah, but mostly because I don't want him knowing I'm actually choosing to do work. He'll think his training had something to do with it, and I don't want him getting a big head.
...bowchickabowwow.
[Well, at least they had a plan now, some sort of ground they could stand on. It probably wasn't the bonding and forgiveness that most people wanted from him, but it was something. Chorus wasn't built in a night, or whatever. Standing up, he started towards the door, before stopping.]
If you need someone to catsit sometime, put me on that list.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[ The was defensible, a known quantity. That was more comfortable than any amount of luxury could provide. But he doubted Tucker would care much for the explanation.
Instead, he stared levelly in his direction before nodding towards a nearby chair. ]
I imagine you have more to say than I do.
[ Something he brought him here, after all. Locus had been avoiding him on purpose to this point, per Washington's request. ]
no subject
[The dramatics of this setting was forgotten in lieu of the more important stuff, the reason why he was here. Giving up, he moved further inside and stopped next to the offered chair. There was a show made of looking it over as if it was some Looney Tunes bullshit that might explode when he sat in it; he didn't think it would happen, but it wasn't about that right now anyway. It was about showing that he was aware.
He dropped into it and stared at him.]
What the fuck makes you any more different now than before?
[Screw dancing around it; he wanted to know.]
no subject
But Locus did not resent him for it. He understood the monster he'd been, and now had only to communicate that fact, as best he could.
There was a moment's pause, before Luna was carefully scooped up. She fit the entirety of his palm, blinking calmly as he extended her towards Tucker.
Care for a life not his own, and having that creature trust? Said more than words could. ]
no subject
And Tucker got it, in a way; the Locus he met back on Chorus wouldn't have done this, have this, wouldn't have cared for it or just held out a kitten that could fit in one fucking hand. There were layers here, an onion to pull back, and Tucker didn't do anything for a minute. He was waiting for something else, but it didn't come. Nothing did, just this kitten held out, one that trusted to the enemy. One that was owned by someone who an almost carried out a planetary genocide.
Tucker's shoulders finally fell as he reached out and took her gently, two hands instead of just one. His eyes were on Locus for a good solid few seconds, before pulling Luna to his chest and petting her softly.
He was quiet before he said anything.]
This doesn't fix anything. [His fingers went to scratch behind her ears, careful with the armor still.] How much of it was you and how much of that shit is because of Felix?
no subject
[ His hand lowers as Luna rubs her head under Tucker's chin, purring softly. ]
Nothing will ever make up for it entirely. But I can try. Washington impressed upon me the importance of legacy, and what that is is not determined until your death. There is time yet to change a great deal.
no subject
Yeah, at least you can do that.
[That was good. That was important. Blaming everything on Felix would be easy; even Tucker couldn't really do that, not even if the people around him told him to. And hey, for Tucker's credit, at least he was listening, nodding a little because he knew that Wash had that way of getting through to people, didn't he?]
Yeah, he knows all about that. [For himself. For what he helped turn Tucker into.] Just so you know, I'm not forgiving you. [Yet. Ever.] The shit you did, the shit that happened because of you guys... I get it, legacy, but there's stuff I can't ignore.
[Church. I can't forget Church.]
What was all that shit with that memory crap?
no subject
[ Broken. They'd made him say it out loud, acknowledge it, but that's still too tender a wound to bare, least of all in front of Tucker. Locus merely shakes his head before something around his eyes sharpens. ]
But sometimes, there are people who do deserve monsters on their doorstep. If it spares someone going down the path I did...
[ There's a pause, a quirk of his head. ]
What are you referring to, specifically? It was all something of a blur. I don't remember who was at my side.
no subject
The flat of his hand slid along the cat's back as he sighed. Locus wasn't wrong, and that annoyed him and satisfied him at the same time. It sucked when your enemy(?) was correct.]
I guess. The last thing we need is someone else wanting to do some planetary genocide shit. Well, any more than we already do.
[He coughed under his breath and just...avoided that. It wasn't like Tucker was subtle about that either; it wasn't his finer point, after all.]
What's her name?
no subject
[ Her eyes open briefly at her name, her tiny mouth opening in a squeak too soft to hear, before those eyes close again and she continues to rumble under Tucker's petting. It is satisfactory. He may continue. ]
She was a gift from Agent Washington.
no subject
Wash got the kitten for him. Wash trusted him. Fucking trusted him something deep. That should matter. That should.]
Fine. I get it. They trust you and I should, too, but it's going to take more than an adorable fucking piece of pussy to do it, okay?
[The bite wasn't there. He knew it. He felt it.] But I also see it, too: Felix fucked us both over. I won't forget that, either.
no subject
[ Locus allows Luna to stay where she is, as she seems comfortable enough with the Sim Trooper, but he allows himself to sink down to sit on the edge of a nearby bench. Perhaps there is more explanation in order. ]
When Felix and I chose to partner together, I had nothing else. I had lost those I fought alongside, those I respected, and I felt...lost. Felix offered answers.
[ His gaze lifts. ]
I suspect you know first-hand how persuasive he can seem, under those circumstances.
no subject
[There it was, black and white: stay doing what you're doing, and Tucker kept out of it. Perfect arrangement, as far as he was concerned. Don't give him a reason. Please don't give him a reason.
Tucker met that gaze, held it, then finally looked away. That anger at himself, at Felix, curled in his belly, tight like an angry fist. Felix waited for those moments specifically, when people were at their lowest, when they were missing...something. It was different for each other, but at the fundamental base, it was just missing something.]
Yeah. I remember.
no subject
[ And whatever else he might be, a liar he is not. That had always been Felix's MO. His position on the Fed's side? Had always been more a position of omission, things he hadn't said. And a different case entirely.
His folded fingers squeeze a little tighter, tapping briefly against the knuckles before going still once again. ]
Being part of Legion means remaining fit to be part of the Legion. Dr. Ry'kerr has been monitoring my...progress. If I show signs of returning to the state I was in, I will doubtlessly be removed from duty.
Having...friends here has helped, considerably.
no subject
[Ugh, don't make him have to spell it out for you. He sighed a little, holding the kitten up to look her in the eyes before handing her back to Locus. Guy was opening up; he needed her more than he did.]
Yeah, you sound super enthused about friends there, Locus. [He sagged in the seat.] I'm not going to get in the way of your friendships, you know. Whatever you got set up before I got here and if it's helping you, I don't want to fuck that up. I should, but I don't want to.
no subject
I may not sound enthused, but I am grateful. It was not something I expected. Particularly not in Washington's case, given our history.
Then again, perhaps I should have. He knows better than most what a second chance is worth.
no subject
[The sentiment, not the kitten, but Tucker groaned all the same. He got it; who knew what Wash would have turned into if they Reds and Blues hadn't given him another chance. This was what they did, from Wash to Doc and the people in between. It was stupid, it was reckless, but it's what saved some of them.]
I just...need some time. I lost something important because of the shit you did, and I can't--
I just can't yet. Not...not yet. But-- [He squared his shoulders.] --it's not all your fault, either. And I know that, too.
no subject
Ah. Realization flickers across his face briefly. ]
Epsilon.
[ The last remaining AI from Project Freelancer. There'd been no further record of him, no appearance. It was, to his mind, a reasonable guess. ]
no subject
Church.
[He corrected him, had to even if he knew they were ultimately different people; Alpha was who he spent Blood Gulch with, Epsilon didn't remember any of that. Epsilon actually said goodbye to him, even if both of their deaths were sacrifices in the end.
Church was a blanket, both of them and neither of them at the same time.
Ugh, but Locus figured it out and he still hadn't told--]
Don't say anything to Wash, okay? Time travel bullshit and all that.
[But hell, did Tucker want to talk about it...]
no subject
So he gives a short nod. Yes. Alright. He'll keep it to himself. ]
I am sorry for your loss. And my part in it. For what that may be worth.
[ It probably isn't much, but. There it is. ]
no subject
[He probably shouldn't have said anything when he was the one that pretty much killed his partner, but Felix was an asshole. Well, a different kind of asshole than Epsilon was. He was a fucking monster.
Church didn't deserve this. Church didn't deserve any of the shit that happened to him again and again and again.]
He died to fucking protect us because of Charon. Because of all that shit that lead up to that room, including you guys. We didn't want it, no one wanted it, and people died! Now I have to live with--
[the silence after the suit when everything was quiet and empty and dead]
I don't want to talk about him!
no subject
[ But he understands not wanting to talk about the dead. He certainly doesn't like talking about Felix, even during his sessions with the doctor. He might recommend Tucker speak to her, but honestly, the poor woman doesn't need another soldier from their world on her schedule. ]
We don't need to speak of what happened. If you find the need, however, I will be here. I owe you whatever assistance I can offer, given the circumstances.
no subject
What the hell was he supposed to do with that offer? What the hel--]
...Spar with me.
[And he turned his face back to him, glaring at him through the helmet.] Not now, but soon. You want to help? That's how you can do it.
[Because he wanted to kick the ass of the person who indirectly killed his best friend. And if he couldn't kick his ass, then he wanted to learn how to. He wanted to make sure that he could beat his demons so shit like this never happened again, so he could protect his friends that were here. And he would keep trying until it happened.
Determined was sort of what Tucker did.]
You come with your sword?
no subject
[ He didn't use it, but against Tucker? Against one of its own? It seemed more fitting.
Locus gave a nod, something almost approving in the gesture. Tucker's reasoning, though unexplained out loud, seems to line up with his own. It would be a good way to work out his aggression, and give him an opportunity to strike back at him without repercussion. ANd if he learned something in the process? It would only strengthen the team as a whole. ]
Should I refrain from telling Washington of this, as well?
no subject
...bowchickabowwow.
[Well, at least they had a plan now, some sort of ground they could stand on. It probably wasn't the bonding and forgiveness that most people wanted from him, but it was something. Chorus wasn't built in a night, or whatever. Standing up, he started towards the door, before stopping.]
If you need someone to catsit sometime, put me on that list.
[What? He liked cats.]