He won't ask. It's tempting, but nothing good comes from knowing too much of what lies ahead. It's enough to know this shred of truth, this absolute certainty. Six months ahead of where he is now, and it's where he should be.
Locus nods once. "That explains why you were willing to meet me alone, at the very least." Washington had done the same, but in a far more confrontational manner.
"I still have mixed feelings," She tells him honestly, and she doesn't need to explain why, she hopes. Genocide, on a planet-wide scale, even if they were only fanning the flames as Felix said. The loss of Epsilon, although he may not have been aware, was still something she somewhat laid at his feet.
"But I'm the last one to judge someone for doing what they can to change." He had even said that, not that she's going to admit it.
There's a pause, a brief bob of his throat as he swallows, obviously searching carefully for the words he wants. "...I realize I cannot undo my actions. But if it were possible, I would."
He's said the words before, to York. Washington knows, he thinks. But Carolina knows little, unless they've spoken far more at length in her portion of the timeline than he thinks. It is important that he say them.
Therapy, as it turns out, has had some positive change on him over the course of the last few months.
"For what you and others have lost because of my actions, I am sorry. I do not expect forgiveness as a result, but...you should know that, at least."
It is, suddenly, a lot for Carolina. Sure, she has been working on
processing her own feelings, making her own amends. She still isn't used to
amends being made with her and the emotions she feels are complicated, not
easy to pick apart. Anger is an easy fall back but - not this time,
Carolina.
"... Thank you," she says at length, still looking at him and looking very
tired, weary. Shs doesn't promise to forgive him but she does what she can,
at least, to acknowledge what he is doing.
"You told me you stopped killing," she finally says. "I wanted you to know
that I'm doing the same. Not because of the Legion. I'm tired of death,
Locus."
It's a raw nerve to admit but - it is the closest he will get to an olive
branch at the moment.
"I wasn't certain it would be possible, when I arrived here. I knew what I wanted, and perhaps it was easier knowing that we were being ordered by the Legion to withhold lethal measures."
Training wheels, as it were. But that's not all, is there. His heavy brow dips, furrows.
"But I am more than my orders. The path is not easy, but it has become easier to travel with allies. With...friends." He considers her a moment, pale eyes taking in that tired look, the tense way she's held herself together and how exhausting it must be.
"There are those here willing to help. The things we have done, the ways we have been broken, do not mean we cannot become better over time. Washington has found assistance through them. As have I."
It's a suggestion that isn't. He has no right to tell her what she should do, but the option is there and of use, considering her aim.
"I know," she says, too quick and sharp be an acceptance before she sighs.
"I mean.... I know, and I have to go see them. Just need to accept someone
picking my brain that isn't going to use it against me."
Washington being an ally, that doesn't surprise her. Grif and Tucker had
told her that Locus was on their side, with varying degrees of feelings on
it.
"I'm glad its... working for you." And she is; it isn't an empty platitude.
"A hard thing to accept. I would have not have done so voluntarily." And he'd all but lassoed Wash into going as well by refusing to go unless he did. But the results amount to about the same.
"While I would not trust them blindly, the Legion seems to be doing good work, and cares about the well-being of its members. And I am not surprised in the least that they chose you," he adds, crooking a brow higher.
"It took longer than I would have expected, in fact."
"They are like any large organization. Issues will arise. But on the whole?" He shrugs mildly. "I would call it an improvement."
Perhaps for her as well, given what he knows about Freelancer. No one's chasing their dead wife's ghost, at least not that he's aware of.
"I've done what I can to prove that my intentions to repent are sincere. Washington seems to believe it so. Captain Tucker seems to be coming around to the idea, though I imagine he still bears a grudge and will continue to do so for some time. Captain Grif does not appear to care one way or the other, whether he knows or not."
Another shrug.
"The rest of the Freelancers...it seems less relevant. They did not know me for what I was before, as you did."
Yeah, she definitely has less issues with The Legion than she had with Freelancer, even if she had been blind to some of it until the end.
"Tucker has his reasons," She says, automatically defending a team mate - especially given how close he had been to Epsilon, which is the same reason she herself has mixed feelings. Along with everything else, but one almost takes the personal thing as more important.
At the statement of other Freelancers, she gives a little laugh, finally, though there's an edge of bitterness to it.
"To be fair, we weren't the most discriminating anyways. If there's any gang that can turn a blind eye, it was us."
"He does. I don't begrudge him that. But someone ought to show him how to use that sword properly."
And training together gives them an opportunity to work out whatever it is Tucker still has hanging on. Even people with a grudge or dislike for one another can learn to work together given enough time. He knows that. And he trusts that Tucker is not devious enough to use that to his advantage.
There's a faint snort. "A blind eye. That's one way of putting it."
And one Freelancer it brings to mind, though he's taken steps to repair that eye, now.
Carolina can't help but snort as well. "Ah, I see you've run into a friend of mine if you're making that joke."
She hasn't yet encountered York - though she knows he's here. There's something she doesn't want to confront about him being here - she isn't trying to avoid him, but... it's difficult to know what she should do, in this case.
Still, though, the comment about Tucker -
"So, he's actually working with his sword?" Thank god he's not around to drop lascivious comments.
And that's all she gets, for the moment. It feels a little unfair, perhaps, but she'll find out eventually. Now just might not be the right time.
Instead, he follows that other thread of conversation. "He is. More for the chance of possibly injuring me than a need to better himself at the moment. Both may still play a part in his decision, however."
No, she likely wouldn't want that information right away anyways. It could only end with some not-great feelings - so it's better that he keeps it to himself.
"Knowing Tucker, it's the former," She admits. "But he picks things up through repetition. You just can't let him know he's actually learning," she adds with a slight smirk.
"He has potential. Lack of focus and restraint are difficult things to teach, but he may discover their use in time." His broad shoulders rise and fall in a mild shrug. "If not? He'll have ample time to work out his frustrations with me."
A task he doesn't mind undertaking, in either case.
"You should have seen him before." She comments because - yes, improved,
but she remembers. Although her harshness at the time may be coloring that
memory.
She looks away after a moment. "I should probably go." She isn't made for
long conversations at the moment, and being casual with Locus isn't
something she can do easily.
"Thank you, though. For Tucker and... well, the other stuff."
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Locus nods once. "That explains why you were willing to meet me alone, at the very least." Washington had done the same, but in a far more confrontational manner.
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"But I'm the last one to judge someone for doing what they can to change." He had even said that, not that she's going to admit it.
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He's said the words before, to York. Washington knows, he thinks. But Carolina knows little, unless they've spoken far more at length in her portion of the timeline than he thinks. It is important that he say them.
Therapy, as it turns out, has had some positive change on him over the course of the last few months.
"For what you and others have lost because of my actions, I am sorry. I do not expect forgiveness as a result, but...you should know that, at least."
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It is, suddenly, a lot for Carolina. Sure, she has been working on processing her own feelings, making her own amends. She still isn't used to amends being made with her and the emotions she feels are complicated, not easy to pick apart. Anger is an easy fall back but - not this time, Carolina.
"... Thank you," she says at length, still looking at him and looking very tired, weary. Shs doesn't promise to forgive him but she does what she can, at least, to acknowledge what he is doing.
"You told me you stopped killing," she finally says. "I wanted you to know that I'm doing the same. Not because of the Legion. I'm tired of death, Locus."
It's a raw nerve to admit but - it is the closest he will get to an olive branch at the moment.
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Training wheels, as it were. But that's not all, is there. His heavy brow dips, furrows.
"But I am more than my orders. The path is not easy, but it has become easier to travel with allies. With...friends." He considers her a moment, pale eyes taking in that tired look, the tense way she's held herself together and how exhausting it must be.
"There are those here willing to help. The things we have done, the ways we have been broken, do not mean we cannot become better over time. Washington has found assistance through them. As have I."
It's a suggestion that isn't. He has no right to tell her what she should do, but the option is there and of use, considering her aim.
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"I know," she says, too quick and sharp be an acceptance before she sighs. "I mean.... I know, and I have to go see them. Just need to accept someone picking my brain that isn't going to use it against me."
Washington being an ally, that doesn't surprise her. Grif and Tucker had told her that Locus was on their side, with varying degrees of feelings on it.
"I'm glad its... working for you." And she is; it isn't an empty platitude.
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"While I would not trust them blindly, the Legion seems to be doing good work, and cares about the well-being of its members. And I am not surprised in the least that they chose you," he adds, crooking a brow higher.
"It took longer than I would have expected, in fact."
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There's a part of her that's surprised he complimented her so readily. The other part is feeling smug about being complimented at all.
"Yeah, they and I aren't going to see eye to eye on a lot." Like their recruiting age. "But they do seem to want to good."
She tilts her head a little. "I'm glad you're getting a chance." Not because of his skills, just for him. Even if she still had mixed feelings.
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Perhaps for her as well, given what he knows about Freelancer. No one's chasing their dead wife's ghost, at least not that he's aware of.
"I've done what I can to prove that my intentions to repent are sincere. Washington seems to believe it so. Captain Tucker seems to be coming around to the idea, though I imagine he still bears a grudge and will continue to do so for some time. Captain Grif does not appear to care one way or the other, whether he knows or not."
Another shrug.
"The rest of the Freelancers...it seems less relevant. They did not know me for what I was before, as you did."
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"Tucker has his reasons," She says, automatically defending a team mate - especially given how close he had been to Epsilon, which is the same reason she herself has mixed feelings. Along with everything else, but one almost takes the personal thing as more important.
At the statement of other Freelancers, she gives a little laugh, finally, though there's an edge of bitterness to it.
"To be fair, we weren't the most discriminating anyways. If there's any gang that can turn a blind eye, it was us."
And yet, somehow, she sounds fond, not annoyed.
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And training together gives them an opportunity to work out whatever it is Tucker still has hanging on. Even people with a grudge or dislike for one another can learn to work together given enough time. He knows that. And he trusts that Tucker is not devious enough to use that to his advantage.
There's a faint snort. "A blind eye. That's one way of putting it."
And one Freelancer it brings to mind, though he's taken steps to repair that eye, now.
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She hasn't yet encountered York - though she knows he's here. There's something she doesn't want to confront about him being here - she isn't trying to avoid him, but... it's difficult to know what she should do, in this case.
Still, though, the comment about Tucker -
"So, he's actually working with his sword?" Thank god he's not around to drop lascivious comments.
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And that's all she gets, for the moment. It feels a little unfair, perhaps, but she'll find out eventually. Now just might not be the right time.
Instead, he follows that other thread of conversation. "He is. More for the chance of possibly injuring me than a need to better himself at the moment. Both may still play a part in his decision, however."
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"Knowing Tucker, it's the former," She admits. "But he picks things up through repetition. You just can't let him know he's actually learning," she adds with a slight smirk.
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A task he doesn't mind undertaking, in either case.
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"You should have seen him before." She comments because - yes, improved, but she remembers. Although her harshness at the time may be coloring that memory.
She looks away after a moment. "I should probably go." She isn't made for long conversations at the moment, and being casual with Locus isn't something she can do easily.
"Thank you, though. For Tucker and... well, the other stuff."